Love Games

“Ran, you fall in love too quickly. You wear your heart on your sleeves. You make yourself too vulnerable.” I let them talk, “If you give yourself away so easily, he’s not going to want something that anybody can get.” I let them continue, “You think like girl. You need to think like a man!”

First of all, I am NOT a man. For most of my life I had been dealing with daddy issues stumbling between the extremes of being a man-hater and boy-crazy. I’ve finally found a peaceful space of contentment when it comes to being female and how I relate to men. It wasn’t until I learned how to appreciate Man, and the ways in which Man complements my Woman, that I fully embraced my divine feminine energy, and the power it possesses. Man can build skyscrapers, but Woman can give life. I don’t want to think like a man. Nor, do I want to act like a man. I want to be WITH a man, NOT BE a man. 

There’s this idea that in order to keep a man interested, we need to make ourselves unavailable emotionally, and even physically. Nowadays, playing games, whether subconsciously or not, has become apart of the process. Dating during the days of Tinder, where we have access to love at the tip of our fingers, meeting people and building deep connections has gotten to this: where my sisters are telling me to be someone I am not in order for someone to love me.

I get where they’re coming from. I do. But I also get that their advice is coming from a place of fear. Fear that I might get hurt. Fear that I might end up with the wrong person. Fear that I’ll get a divorce. Or fear that someone they love will end up alone. They have this idea that my value as a woman depletes the more I give my love away. And in some ways, it does. BUT that’s IF I am giving in order to get. By giving to get, the energy exchange will cause a deficiency if the gift isn’t reciprocated. But if love is given purely as love, one cannot ever be deficient of love. And the love between two people will transcend time, space and even circumstances—allowing ex-lovers to become good friends.

Because I fall in love quickly, they think that I give my heart away easily. I'll admit. There’s no denying that I fall in love quickly. I get caught up in the same way that a smiling baby or a curious child steals my heart. When someone touches me in a way that inspires my higher self, I will fall in love almost immediately, whether I am attracted to him as a possible partner or her as a potential friend. It’s taken awhile, but I’ve learned how to love with my heart and not with my head. Not to say that I don’t have insecurities. Of course, I do, which is why I don’t give my heart away that easily, or in the way that they think I do.  

Lets do the math. I’m almost 30 years old. I’ve met THOUSANDS of men of all kinds. I get asked out on average, at the least, once a day. And I’ve been on more dates than four times the number of years I’ve been alive. Yet, I’ve been in love 3.5 times. According to the numbers (and my best friend), I don’t give my heart away as easily it may seem. But when I do, I give my whole heart, which is why all 3.5 still love me as I will always love them.

For me being single isn’t a circumstance, it’s a choice. Yes, I’m easily interested thanks to my curious nature, boy-crazy tendencies and feminine energy that attracts the most alpha of alpha-males. My life is filled with many rare moments of real connection with both men and women, but that’s because I open my heart fully to opportunities for love. Eros, philos AND agape! Opportunities to be in a relationship for the sake of being in love are always there, which is why I am not afraid of being in love nor being alone. I'm a believer in divine timing. If a man isn't able to reciprocate my love, He probably has more work to do. Just sayin'. Because if a girl can't be herself in order to be loved, what's the fucking point? #aintnobodygottimeforthat

Ranny KangComment