30-Something, Settled…in & Ready for 2017

It’s 7PM, and I was getting ready to leave my new “designated” desk at WeWork that I put a deposit down for about a month ago. Instead of heading home, I decided to pull out my laptop and write because I’ve been here since 10:30AM, and I didn’t write a single word (because I worked on design stuff). And one of my New Year things for 2017 is to take my writing seriously. This is me—paying for a desk—taking my writing seriously.

It’s been a long ass time since I’ve been at a desk—almost 7 years since I retired from the 9-to-5. I never thought I’d come back to a desk, but lets be real, it’s uncomfortable writing with a MacBook on my lap, and it’s way too easy to get distracted at a coffee shop. Plus, there’s something to having a space that is dedicated to whatever it is that I am doing. I mean: there is just something more to doing yoga at a yoga studio instead of my living room floor. In the case with this office space, it’s writing, recording and created content that is meaningful.

If you don’t know already, I’m getting ready to launch a podcast. I’ve been talking about launching this podcast for several months now, but the stars has yet to align. However, yo’ girl has finally set a launch date. Thanks to my Masterminds group for calling me out and inspiring me to set a specific date, 30-Something And Single will be launching on January 27th, 2017—just in time for the Chinese Year of the Rooster and the Aquarius new moon. (I’ve also gotta justify paying for this desk.) 

A part of me knows that I’ve been dancing with the launch date because…well, I’m skerd. Among the basic fears of not feeling good enough, being judged and failing, I have a much more complicated fear: the fear of being resented by my future partner for oversharing. Lets keep in mind that this partner that doesn’t even exist, yet! I am scared that He would resent me for oversharing or feel insecure that I have shared so much of myself already. I’m afraid that he’ll know too much, make presumptions and not take the time to get to know me intimitely. I’m afraid that I might cut off a lot of my options because of 1. my sharing, 2. my sharing and 3. my sharing.

But when it comes down to it, down to the nitty gritty, the life parter I choose will be aligned with my spiritual journey and my life’s work because of his own chosen path. If I am being my authentic self, being afraid of turning Him off shouldn’t matter because if He is “the one” just being my-self would turn Him on. I’m always preachin’ to younger women about being their authentic selves. Talking about how I’d rather someone hate me for being myself than loving me for someone I’m not. Now, more than ever, I’ve gotta practice what I preach. And what’s better practice than to air all of my thoughts, musings and growing pains on a podcast. I’m sure there will be regrets, but the greatest regret would be not doin’ the damn thang. 

Ranny KangComment